mental health, Personal Development, PSYCHOLOGY, Relationships, Society, Uncategorized, Write

Why People Bully: A Choice Without An Option

It should be talked about more & I have decided to use my writing voice for the good.

There are different reasons why people bully, including:

  • wanting to dominate others and improve their social status
  • having low self-esteem
  • having a lack of remorse or failing to recognise their behaviour as a problem
  • feeling angry or frustrated
  • struggling socially
  • being the victim of bullying themselves

Source: Health Direct

These are all psychological reasons because of which, people ruin other people, psychologically! How can we let science justify that? This can be debatable, that people suffering themselves make others suffer? Yet, I don’t see anything debatable in that sentence! I have heard so many stories where people who got bullied, suffered from a mental illness, throughout their lives because of it. Yet, they never bullied anyone, because they understand the consequences. So, there is something more wrong with people bullying others.

Just the other day I was talking to some friends, reminiscing school days. We asked each other , if we ever bullied someone. I couldn’t recall anything, but I am sure in one way or the other, I must’ve said some ‘inappropriate’ words to some friends. But there’s no justification for that. Of course, we call names with friends, it’s basic friendly gesture, but I am sure that in one way or the other, we have bullied others and have been bullied ourselves! But how do we know?

Types of BULLY:

Source: National Centre Against Bullying, Australia

Physical bullying

Physical bullying includes hitting, kicking, tripping, pinching and pushing or damaging property.  Physical bullying causes both short term and long term damage. 

Verbal bullying

Verbal bulling includes name calling, insults, teasing, intimidation, homophobic or racist remarks, or verbal abuse. While verbal bullying can start off harmless, it can escalate to levels which start affecting the individual target.

Social bullying

Social bullying, sometimes referred to as covert bullying, is often harder to recognise and can be carried out behind the bullied person’s back.  It is designed to harm someone’s social reputation and / or cause humiliation.

Social bullying can include:

  • lying and spreading rumours
  • negative facial or physical gestures, menacing or contemptuous looks
  • playing nasty jokes to embarrass and humiliate
  • mimicking unkindly
  • encouraging others to social exclude someone
  • damaging someone’s social reputation or social acceptance.

Cyber bullying

The Cyber Bullying Research Centre defines cyber bullying as:  Intentional and repeated harm inflicted through the use of computers, phones, and other electronic devices.

Cyber bullying can be overt or covert bullying behaviours using digital technologies including hardware such as computers and smartphones, and software such as social media, instant messaging, texts, websites and other online platforms.

Cyber bullying can happen at any time. It can be in public or in private and sometimes only known to the target and the person bullying.

Cyber bullying can include:

  • abusive or hurtful texts, emails or posts, images or videos
  • deliberately excluding others online
  • nasty gossip or rumours
  • imitating others online or using their log-in.

Are You A Bully?

I haven’t change a word from the website for ‘Types Of Bullies’. The website described it quite well, and I am hoping it is pretty clear to you after reading it, if you’re a bully or not. I am sure, we’ve all been a Verbal or a Social Bully, even if we admit it or not. We have called names, teased people, made fun of them based on their height, weight, skin colour or life choices even. It may be friendly, if you want to justify, but you cannot. Some people are stronger and these things doesn’t affect them as much a it does to others. To the ones this affects the most, are your fellow human beings, who have been suffering because of us and we can stop their sufferings. But there are other types of bullies, the website didn’t mention, but it happens everyday.

Other Types Of Bullying, That Proves We’re All Bullies

There is no one in particular that describes enough to prove that we’re all bullies. But I am determined to address and stop.

Remember when we talked about ‘that girl’ being ‘fatter’ or ‘that guy’ being ‘gay’ or spread rumours about someone having an affair. Even judging someone by things we’ve heard from someone else?

Have you seen ‘Gossip Girl’? Or read the books? Gossip Girl is a 6 Season Crash Course of ‘How To Be A Bully’.

Gossip is a type of bully that is being used for ages and I know, I can say all I want, but it will never stop. But, the least we can do, is stop the rumours and trash-talk about people based on the things they cannot control. Let’s start today. Now.

Have You Been Bullied?

I am sure you have. When you were called out for being too skinny, too tall, too fat, too short, too dark, too fair, too extroverted or too introverted, too friendly, or too arrogant. Need I say more? But how does it affect us?

Self-Doubt: We doubt ourselves and our lives because of it. We doubt if there’s something wrong with us, when in fact, it’s the person calling you out who’s wrong.

Negative Thoughts: We can think through out, but only negative ones. When we’re bullied, our positive approach to things is diminished to none. Inspite of knowing, that it’s not us, it’s them.

Abandoning Social Flowers: We reduce social interactions and stop watering relationships that can grow for good. Not because we don’t want to, but bullying comes with a price & you feel like we don’t have a friend anymore. All we have, are bullies.

When we’re bullied, we can face consequences through out our lives. If we are strong, then we forget easily, but if it effects the core of our strength, mainly the core of our existence, we become scarred for life. Those scars haunt us everyday and we’re not even responsible for them!

This is a part, where I should tell you – stop bullying and don’t get bullied yourself. Don’t punish others for your miseries, make better friendships that can help & live with a more kind, positive approach to life and others. BUT. I won’t say it. It’s upto you.

It’s a choice without an option.

NOTE: I won’t mention animal bullying. You’re smart enough.

Personal Development, Sarcasm, Society

The Homophobic State!

We are well aware of the fact that India is a homophobic country. As much as the millennials are cool and okay about all the NEW THINGS happening around us, we couldn’t care less of the fact that our elders or should I say our parents have problems with pretty much EVERYTHING this generation is doing!
The sad part is that THAT generation probably won’t read this but whatever. I have to address this anyway because I should!
I wrote this piece a week ago and it got deleted somehow. It was a good piece for me but since then, I haven’t had peace regarding this. I was going to write something else, but now I have seen certain angles to it!
I watched Miss Americana on Netflix which is a documentary on Taylor Swift and how she emerged from a calculated interviewer to an opinionated woman! It moved me because she mentions the burden of not speaking up and regretting it now! She decides to voice her views and contributed to over 50 thousand new voter’s registrations in the assembly elections! That’s what a VOICE is capable of! She also mentions that America is a homophobic state as well! But, like India, they aren’t afraid.

I normally don’t write on societal errors but just after the release of Shubh Mangal Zaada Saavdhan’s trailer, which is a gay love story, a friend texted me asking what did I think of it!  We talked about it a bit and she told that one of her colleagues reacted in an unexpected way saying “they’re ruining the society”…(being of almost same age as hers, especially talking about the kissing scene in the film- two men kissing)…We abused him a bit and laughed it off how backward and narrow-minded that person must be! But was it his fault?

I mean here we are, the straight men, trying to survive and thrive in a WOMEN’S world! We have responsibilities, pressure of performance IN EVERY ASPECT OF OUR LIVES and here they intervene!!! These inappropriate people with their inappropriate behaviour! I want WOMEN, NOT YOU!! This DISEASE is gone too far now!!!

Hey, I get it men! I agree.. you’ve suffered more than anyone! The fight for equality was with you, the fight for domestic violence and every other crime against women was with you, the fight for freedom was with you!!! But this isn’t with you. 
Nobody’s blaming nobody.
Men, women, queer, all of us are fighting for SOMETHING.
Men fighting to stay sane in a mad world.
Women fighting for equality, since like, forever… But this fight is now have become easier, THANKS TO SOME MEN who understand.
Queer is fighting for HUMAN RIGHTS… THE BASIC ONES.
AND NOW THAT THEY HAVE SOME, people aren’t able accept it!
America being one of the most educated and advanced nation is homophobic, how can we expect INDIA to understand just like that!! We can’t!
But the good news is, India has the largest number of youth in the world and this youth is NOT Uninformed or Uneducated. We are nothing like our elders and it’s the advantage of the future. 
It’s okay if some of the present is homophobic, you can’t change that because they’re built that way, so stop trying to make them understand, but start try to make them accept as it is! 
The difference between this generation and the previous one is that we’re ACCEPTABLE OF EVERYTHING. We don’t flinch on two men kissing. We don’t feel it’s ruining the society. We think it’s beautiful that everyone has the freedom to love whomever they love. Because we fight peacefully, we argue with logics and we strive for information that is authentic. For us, THE HOMOPHOBIC STATE IS HISTORY. Hence, the problem has been solved.
If you still want to make the present and past understand and accept queer love, then do an experiment with elders in your family.
Even if you’re a straight man/woman, tell your parents/elders that you’re gay. See their reaction, explain to them what it means, educate them and then tell them you were experimenting on them for their own sake.
They have helped us get education, we can help them too.
Let’s try and get rid of the HOMOPHOBIC STATE.